If I Told You I Loved You, Would We Have Survived?
by Botsey
Summary: Spock reviews a Vulcan historical event and reviews his love of Nyota.


**If I Had Told You I Love You, Would We Have Survived?**

**Her head rested upon his shoulder as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. Her breathing was even and he watched the rise and fall of her bare breasts. Never had he been as content…satisfied as he was at that point in his life. Of course, the Vulcan mindset would seek out the logical explanation for this conclusion and it was that he was indeed quite satisfied with everything about his life. The reason being the description of his present condition in Standard was he was deeply, and totally in love.**

**His acquaintance with Vulcan history allowed him to reflect on the early beginnings of his people, a civilization tainted with violence, brutality, and clannish squabbles that resulted in blood shed brought on by misunderstandings of things as simple as words. Honest conversations and the revelations of emotions-feelings could end in the most unreasonable tensions and altercations. **

**In his mental review of his people's experiences Spock recalled one historical account, similar to the Terran play by a William Shakespeare entitled ****Romeo and Juliet.' The Vulcan story recounted the lives of a young Vulcan couple, bonded to other mates who were hunted down as criminals after they ran away together and partook of what was only allowed bonded/married couples. Their actions were against the standards and laws of the Vulcan State, in actuality a capital offense. It was their own families that took the lead in their public execution. Their outcry to one another before they breathed their last spoke of their undying love for one another.**

**At that point the presence of emotion to govern acceptable action was seen as flawed. Surak's rise to power had been strengthened by that tragic experience. One of the first emotions that had to be controlled was that of Love. It was the one that could cloud reason, prevent logical thought, hinder the forward progression of a stable, progressive, driven people. Not only was the emotion to be contained, its descriptive substitution was the word cherish. **

**It was true that the Vulcan vocabulary contained ****ashau **_**ashau, **_**and****ashaya**_** ashaya**_** which eventually were words rarely vocalized but could be exchanged by bondmates telepathically. The more intense expression ****dena**_** dena,**_** which was understood to be the covetous aspect of that emotion was never a vocalized word but could be exchanged by bondmates during Pon Farr as the Standard word, 'Mine'.**

**So buried deep inside the Vulcan psyche were these words that humans would call a noun, but the Vulcans would view them as verbs, for it were these thoughts that motivated the Vulcan male to protect, provide, assist, and education his bondmate and children. This was 'The Vulcan Way'. These actions would be taken even with deprivation of his own personal comfort or the cost of his own life. **

**Spock thought of how the conditioning of generations, had created the non-expressive visage, the virtual lessening of verbal conversation among themselves. The result was the quiet dignity that so embodied them and affected the rest of the galaxy's view of the Vulcan species.. He had long ago admitted how his Aduna had changed him. His chest swelled with the expression that had been silenced and that she who was his wife had resurrected. He still was unable to vocalize this emotion, but his wife's finger on his lips when he made the attempt helped him know she understood for always her words were,**

"**I know, I love you also."**

**So it was by actions, in every way possible, he demonstrated his attachment to and dependence on his wife, for she was truly half his heart and soul. **

**His hand drifted down to her distended belly, filled with his growing son. Males were a desired offspring, but in fact, he would not have felt deprived if she was carrying a daughter, one that looked like her that could mirror her beauty and abilities. Perhaps their next offspring would bring them that. He splayed his fingers across her abdomen and determined that his son was asleep. He was able to visualize him, his son mirrored his ears and eyebrows. He remember when they were first bonded she closed her eyes and read his face with her fingers. As she traced his eyebrows and ears she whispered with tear brimmed eyes,**

"**May our children be blessed with your eyebrows and ears so that when I am apart from you, but with them I can display them as an indication of our love and how proud I am that you have chosen me not only as your bondmate but as the mother of your children."**

**With her expression he felt freer than he had ever in his whole life. On Vulcan by in large he was unacceptable to all but his parents. On earth while he did not experience prejudice many could not adjust to his Vulcan conduct. The first one to accept him had been Captain Pike, then various members of the Academy staff. But, the first warmth he felt, the first sympathetic mind he experienced was with his Nyota. She understood him, she helped him deal with his puzzling thoughts, his clueless students and his disquieted heart. Their physical joining had been the greatest experience of his life. It surpassed every study, discovery, or project he had ever undertaken and it continued to be so.**

**In ancient times extreme measures had to be taken by the Vulcan people in order to survive. Surak, first as a warrior and then as a teacher molded their minds by his advanced thoughts. He had seen, as the Terran expression goes, 'both sides of the coin. Their adherence to The Vulcan Way had allowed them to be the most progressive of all the then known people. As a group, Vulcans had determined that the sacrifices made could not in any way equal the benefits which contributed to their widely acknowledged successes.**

**Spock bent his head to gently kiss the top of his wife's head. He breathed in the fragrance of her hair. He remembered the first time he had touched it. It was soft and heavy in his hand. He had whispered in her ear,**

**"I have wanted to touch you and your hair for some time."**

**Her comment was,**

"**Have your expectations been met?"**

"**Nyota, since imaginings can never equal reality, I will allow you to come to the correct answer to your question."**

**So while they were living in their time, the events of millennia affected them. He thought, what if they lived in that ancient time and he had told her he loved her would they have survived?**


End file.
